This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
