I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
