um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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