Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
