We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
