Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
