i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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