so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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