Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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