Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
