just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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