Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
