I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
