I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
