I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
