you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
