i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
