Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
