I hate all girls vehemently.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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