Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
