I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
