I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
