Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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