i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
