3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
