How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
