I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
