I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
