the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
