I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
