I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
