if only i could text you this smell
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
