My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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