and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
