haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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