literally had 100 drinks last night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
