Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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