Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
