No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
