Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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