I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
