Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
