She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
