I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
