is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
