I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
