It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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