whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
