i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
