Your dad touched me again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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