Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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