did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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