Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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