I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
